UFO Info Week-End

He’d tip his hat and say ‘Good morning young sir

He’d tip his hat and say, ‘Good morning, young sir.’ “”Then box your ears and send you home,” said Susan. “When you would expect them to spread out in a long straggly line, like a cordon of constables tramping across the moorlands looking for an escaped murderer.”"You never see a copper on the beat on the moorlands any more,” said Robert. That’s why he was making such heavy weather of it, and they were making such good headway.”What beats me is why the animals make this path in the first place,” said Robert. “You can see from the prints that it’s the way the cows and sheep come.

It’s weird, the way farm animals follow each other down the same track, like ramblers following Janet Street-Porter in single file.”"Yes,” said Susan. Without thinking, Uncle Geoffrey had kept to the footpath across the field and Robert and Susan were walking on the grass. It was a bit like walking on very small stilts.”That’s because you’re sticking to the path,” said Robert “Muddiest bit of the field there is.” That was true, too. Some old hedgerow fruit…”Great time of year for mud, Uncle Geoffrey,” said Susan “Look at your boots They’ve both accumulated about two inches of mud You’re walking a lot taller than usual.”It was true.

“Oh, he’s very good on easy things like the rainforest canopy, and penguins in the Antarctic, but put him down in Wiltshire on a cold January day, and what could he show you? Whereas, if we use our eyes properly …”He looked round him There must be a few birds, surely A fallen tree, perhaps. Some people had all the luck…”Sir David doesn’t know everything,” said Uncle Geoffrey. “Why don’t we go back home and curl up in front of the fire with a nice David Attenborough wildlife DVD?”
Uncle Geoffrey’s lip curled at the thought of that boyish, globetrotting knight. “Not much doing this time of year, Uncle Geoffrey,” said Robert, as they shivered along the lane, and climbed the stile into the field. Hello, children. Do you think winter is boring? Ah, but that’s because you haven’t kept your eyes peeled and noticed just how much is going on in nature! Yes, it’s time for another nature ramble, so put on a scarf and gloves, get stuck into a pair of stout boots, and let’s accompany Uncle Geoffrey as he goes out and about with his favourite nephew and niece, Robert and Susan.

The history of politics would be so much richer if say, accounts of the demise of the Whig Party read: “Although there were disagreements among the leaders with regard to the corn laws, the major factor precipitating their downfall was the occurrence in 1841 of Viscount Melbourne appearing on a flicker card clambering under a commode with Jane Austen while pretending to be a mouse on Celebrity Big Brother.”Blair must be hoping he can entice every prominent anti-war activist to go into next year’s Big Brother, then while they were all arguing about how many cigars to trade in for cigarettes, he and Bush could invade Iran and they wouldn’t even know it was happening

More from Mark Steel. At one point he convinced the housemates to stop playing a game they’d been ordered to play that entailed sitting in a cardboard box, citing the spirit of Spartacus. Of all the thoughts that passed through Spartacus’ mind when he was crucified by the Romans, I doubt that one was: “But our spirit will one day live on in the great cardboard box struggle of 2006.”And, if it does manage to wreck his fledgling party, at least he’s done it in an original and fascinating manner. And if any constituent wants to see him, they’ll have to wait till he’s evicted, then yell: “Davina, before you show his best bits can I ask him about my drains?” Then again, voters are now aware he looks very fetching as a pirate.Somehow though, while his presence there is dreadful, at times he’s hilarious. We were never going to hear “It’s 3.45pm and George is in the kitchen describing to Chantelle the situation in Uzbekistan.”Many who denounce him are hypocrites, but I expect many who supported him and Respect, and who opposed the war, have also sat in disbelief as he’s crawled round the floor purring, certain that this was never mentioned in the Respect manifesto.