UFO Info Week-End

Just like Pearce though he refused to let an irritating fact get

Just like Pearce, though, he refused to let an irritating fact get in the way of his grand theme.This serious thrust was carefully hidden away, though, amid a series of contributions from B- and C-list celebrities, and one, Mandy Smith, whose list lies much further down the alphabet (about halfway through the Cyrillic one, in fact). But at this point you could only ask, what horrible things were those exactly? Some stick at Upton Park, where he always gets barracked anyway? Or the fierce but short-lived criticism in newspapers which he probably doesn’t bother to read?On the evidence of The Trouble with Beckham (C5), he is a young man with no troubles at all, who has emerged from his disaster in France with his ego unbruised. Rio Ferdinand, we learned, was “the one light in the gloomy firmament”, while Glenn Hoddle, apparently, believed that criticism of his team in the run-up to the Sweden game was “injust”. Still, to pick too many holes in Pearce’s performance would be to do him a gross unjustice.Being the solid fan and team player that he is, Pearce was predictably forthright in his support for David Beckham, “an honest player who certainly didn’t deserve some of the horrible things that happened to him” after his dismissal against Argentina. Ten minutes later, it was clear that even that modest target was wildly optimistic, so Pearce simply moved it a little closer. “Just one more goal,” he urged now with touching desperation.

Had Gareth Southgate not obliged, Pearce would probably have burst into tears.He deserves credit too for managing to keep talking during the deadlier phases of Wednesday’s game, even if the English language did take the odd blow to the chin in the process. Pearce’s microphone technique, not so much in-your-face as halfway-down-your- throat, may not be to everyone’s taste, but you cannot fault either his enthusiasm or his dedication, even when one or both get the better of him.With a little over 20 minutes still to play in Luxembourg, Pearce’s prediction was that two more goals would give England a reasonable total. At least the live transmission was on Channel 5, where Jonathan Pearce, the commentator, could teach even the average Labour MP a thing or two about staying on-message. They were merely soaking up the great blasts of schadenfreude radiating from Alan Hansen.

As he took care to roll the Rs in “very ordinary”, it was as much as he could do to keep a straight face.
But it was not all gloom. Et tu, Motty?

Nor was there much solace back in the studio. If Des and Trevor appeared to be perspiring a little more than usual, it was nothing to do with the studio lights. “It is,” he said, “a rare opportunity for the Luxembourg team to score a goal against top-class opposition.” At which point there was a brief pause for reflection “Well, supposedly top-class opposition.” Ouch. Not only would this be reasonable but it would be a small price to pay for the eventual resurrection of a sport which is fast fading into oblivion..

When Walter Cronkite, the veteran American news anchor, let slip a sceptical observation on the Vietnam War at the end of the evening bulletin, a senior member of the White House staff supposedly observed that “if we’ve lost Walter, we’ve lost the war”. A similar sentiment was probably abroad at Lancaster Gate on Wednesday, as John Motson came to terms with the award of a penalty to Luxembourg just minutes into the game against England. The key to this would be the participation of English and French clubs whose substantial contribution both numerically and in raising the standards would have to be recognised by giving them the main share of the income derived. The players would have to be qualified to play for their countries, be resident locally and be contracted to their unions.