UFO Info Week-End

People thought we were weird

People thought we were weird.’It was not until Mr Bunty was 18 that he realised cars could go faster than 45mph. ‘There’s no doubt the old man enjoyed holding up the traffic. He often used to say, with perverse zeal: ‘We may be the snail, but they are the slime.’ ‘After another two hours of logging, the patrol breaks for lunch. ‘We have just notched a significant victory,’ explains Mr Williams. ‘Mandatory testing to tow a caravan will be introduced in July 1996. The current situation, where a 17- year-old can pass his test one day and be towing a 20ft caravan the next, will be a thing of the past.’He quickly runs through some club news: the Dawn till Dusk Curfew, restricting caravan movements to night hours, is still the spearhead proposal, while spraying caravans parked on sites with organic slurry, to make them harmonise with the landscape, is being considered for the manifesto.

‘Camouflage them,’ suggests David Pritchard, a new recruit to the club, but Mr Williams points out that they would then be unsafe on the road.’I am afraid some caravaners take us very personally,’ says Liz Batty. ‘They think the ACC is a fig-leaf for a bunch of snobby motorists who want any obstacles in their path removed. In fact we just want to highlight the issues and debate them sensibly.”Caravaners get a lot stick from sales reps,’ says Mr Bunty, gnawing a chicken leg. ‘They joke about them being the mobile equivalent of anoraks.”Anoraks?’ asks a bemused Mr Pritchard.’Train spotters,’ explains Mr Bunty.

‘Skoda drivers have been the fall guys of the road for so long, they need a new target.’Mr Williams then unveils an addition to the club manifesto. ‘It’s called the Caravan 5 hand signal,’ he says, demonstrating the movement by spreading his fingers and thrusting out his right arm. ‘The idea is for an oncoming driver to use the signal to alert caravan owners that five vehicles or more have built up behind them. The towing vehicle is then obliged to halt at the first available opportunity to let the vehicles pass.’A short distance away from the patrol’s picnic, behind a screen of wind-scorched pines, some caravaners have congregated under a haze of diesel fumes in the the coach park of a service station.’Anti-Caravan Club? No, I have never heard of them,’ says Margaret Ashton, from Newbury, Berkshire, framed by the doorway of her Musketeer. ‘For goodness’ sake, whatever next? There will be an Anti-Existence Club before long]”You’ve got to take a break,’ says David White, from Sheffield, lowering the front wheel of his Pioneer and pointing towards the distant drone of the M5.