UFO Info Week-End

Upon being asked to bring cutlery she reappears with a single knife for the entire table

Upon being asked to bring cutlery, she reappears with a single knife for the entire table. And with the solid, stolid, somewhat scorched Bramley apple crumble (£5.50) that lies awash in a huge moat of flavourless custard, I am brought a knife and fork.I must pause here and offer my thanks, yet again, for the invention of wine. On nights such as this, I feel like crying into my glass with joyful gratitude. The light, spicy red notes of Valpolicella (£29) are effectively the only fresh, clean flavours of the night.Around me the place is pumping; as groups of six and eight occupy tables with the air of an invading army, fuelled on vodka and decibels.

The Hoxton Grill-with-an-e should be a fun, fast, flexible place to eat, but something has gone horribly wrong in the kitchen, and the food is dull and heavy instead of light and fresh I see much suffering, frustration and disappointment ahead So I leave. Fries (£2.95), served in today’s de rigueur anodised metal beaker, are crisp and dry, but taste more of the oil in which they were cooked, than of potato.Table setting does not appear to be a strong point. One waiter tries to pour the wine, only slowly coming to the realisation that there are no wine glasses on the table. Nor does it taste of much, being stolidly overcooked to the point that it looks fried, and the flesh has turned to pap A bed of spinach beneath it oozes with watery cream. Similarly, a grilled lamb leg steak (£14) has been drowned in a dark, gloopy “proven?e jus” that kills it dead, and piles of green peppers, courgettes and olives make the whole thing feel as heavy as lead.The distinctly fishy odour that wafts over from the kitchen isn’t coming from the whole grilled plaice (£14), which doesn’t smell at all.

Even a surprisingly refined chicken liver parfait (£6), with a good bright flavour and some very nice toasted brioche on the side feels wet and squidgy. The modish hotel entrance, with baronial fireplaces and long, lean couches, soon segues into a long bar and an open-kitchen service counter, behind which white-jacketed chefs beaver away.The menu is a free-for-all, listing down-home daily specials such as curry and rice, and fish pie, next to dressy classics for two (chateaubriand, halibut Newburg); snacky bits and pieces such as a Grille Burger and a croque monsieur; and half a dozen grills – or should that be grilles?Everything feels sodden, not a word that one wants to spring to mind when talking about food. A grill-with-an-e house salad of artichoke hearts, commercial mozzarella, sunblush tomatoes and leaves (£5) is utterly drenched in a creamy Caesarish dressing that makes me want to pick it up and wring it out like a dishcloth. The decisive break in the first set came at 5-4, but Henman was made to work much harder in the second, in which the pair traded blows all the way to a tie-break.
But the Briton held his nerve to edge it and set up a 13th career meeting with Federer.

The top seed enjoyed an even more straightforward victory over Germany’s Benjamin Becker, winning 6-3 6-4 in the day’s first semi-final. Henman has lost his past five matches against the world No 1, the Swiss not even dropping a set against a player who once dominated their rivalry. Henman won the first four clashes between the pair.Meanwhile, Andy and Jamie Murray’s run in the doubles ended with quarter-final defeat to the Americans Paul Goldstein and Jim Thomas. The Scottish brothers were beaten in straight sets, 7-6 6-1.Andy had been hoping to make up for his loss in the second round of the singles by developing his promising partnership with Jamie The pair reached the final of the Thailand Open last week.. Look deep into your bread basket, for it is the crystal ball of the dining table.